Ford Corsair (ODM 354B)

Journey from John O’Groats to Lands End
The National Salvage Classic Car Charity Challenge.

Sunday the 10th May, start line at John O’ Groats and there she was, the beautiful girl which was going to be our mode of transport for the next 6 days. You’ve got to be optimistic!

This optimism was soon tested as on day 1 she decided it was time for a break (unauthorized). Never the less with a little coaxing and a condenser she was persuaded to continue with the journey and made it Ballater. In all honesty it was a short ride on a transporter, a condenser and a lunch break then she was on her way.

Monday 11th May, heading off from Ballater to Melrose a small detour was made via Balmoral Castle. Hoping to have tea with the Queen but unfortunately she was unavailable. Heading off from Balmoral Castle there was a strange noise, did we have a stow away canary on board? No, it was just the gentle hum of the Corsair on her travels. Well, not so much of a gentle hum but a consistent screeching which lead to her being nicknamed………tweety-pie! After the fan belt was adjusted tweety-pie was lost forever.

Tuesday 12th May, well into the adventure the journey continued onto Barton near Preston but not before calling at National Salvage head office. Today was the day for the passengers to dress in the era of the car! Following a lunch stop at head office it was time to hit the road again and head down to Barton, bombing along in my automobile, da dum da dum da dum da dum, my baby beside me at the wheel ……………………………….





Jogle

The mascot for the duration of the car rally.









Wednesday 13th May, following the frivolity of last nights party today is the day for a slow cruise down to Stratford upon Avon. I say slow cruise but you can burn some rubber in the outside lane! Now much mockery was made about the Ford Corsair and whether she would ever see the finish line but she is a pleasure to drive and with being an automatic fantastic in traffic queues. Wing mirrors a little daunting when you try to use them for the first time and all you see is your own reflection but the best bit is the steering, or lack of power steering, a new one for us novice drivers but with arms pop-eye would be proud of money well saved on the gym membership.

Thursday 14th May, after yesterday’s lazy day it was time to call in at the Prescott Hill Climb on our way to Taunton. Now a Ford Corsair may not be the most agile of vehicles but when told that there is no way you will make it round the course, well, what’s a girl to do ……………………………………




The competition, Richard in his Healey 3000 trying to discover how he was beaten by the Ford Corsair.

Friday 15th May, well the last leg of the challenge and still going. With a tear in the headlight the Ford Corsair crossed the finish line at Land’s End.
Ford Corsair’s rule.

Next day it was homeward bound. Four left at 6.20am and after a 10 hr 45 min drive covering 2,084 miles (round trip) all arrived home in Aberdeen.

A fantastic time was had by all, where to next year?

DAY 5 of the Rally

Jogle and Ewenice were handed into the custody of Sandy and Susan – who refused to take then, yes that’s right, refused!

After a payment of £10 for refusal the pair of Sheep was handed to Gillian and Clare (the Corsair girls) who were very willing to do their duty.

The wet weather on the final day did bring one unexpected bonus, proving once again that every cloud has a silver lining.

Several competitors had already sung the praises of the Highland Cow hats which had been brought in Scotland.

They proved to be utilitarian as well as enjoyably decorative. Not only were they warm and weather proof, safe from gusts of wind in convertibles, they were also useful for jamming mobile phones against ears, making them hands-free.

In the wet weather they also proved useful for demisting the windscreens.

It can only be a matter of time before we see Jenson Button and Lewis Hamilton wearing them.

From a very wet and soggy lunch stop at Jamaica Inn we travelled south towards Land’s End and drove through the rain and out into sunshine (someone must be looking after us!)

The Land’s end Court yard was prepared for the entrants arrival, the Salvation Army Band set up in the band stand and just before 15:00 hrs the first cars arrived to a triumphant welcome.

All the cars that started the event the previous Sunday arrived safely at Land’s End, a fantastic achievement.

Jogle and Ewenice arrived at the finish along two lovely twins, a result of their happy relationship.

I do like a happy ending.

DAY 4 of the Rally

The sorry story of Jogle the Sheep has taken a surprise turn for the better.

After two kidnaps and a transvestite scandal, it seems an unexpected romance is in the air.

Following the kidnap in Preston whilst wearing a a cocktail dress and pearls, Jogle reappeared at Alveston Manor Hotel in Stratford – alongside a lady friend.

She goes by the name of Ewenice (Eunice, gerrit?)and has a pink body.

The pair have become inseparable in the back of the Alfa Romeo being driven by Richard Sykes and Simon Metcalf. (It has been suggested a bucket of cold water might help)

On day 5 they enjoyed the speed hill climb together and will be allocated to new custodians in the morning.

Meanwhile PR guru Max Clifford is handling all press inquiries about Jogle. There is talk of an appearance on Celebrity Big Brother alongside Silly Cows and Male Chauvinist Pigs.

Mystery surrounds the background of Ewenice.

There have been rumours of risqué photos being taken during her modelling days for Axminster Rugs.

Max Clifford said Ewenice had a unique background. “As far as we know she has never had a relationship with Calum Best,” he said last night.

On day 5 the weather forecast was not good – rain expected. The competitors set off from Stratford for the short journey to the Prescott Speed Hill Climb course.

All competitors and Guests were briefed and then signed on allowing them to drive or be a passenger up the hill.

Sandy Dalgarno, Bernard Simpson, Richard Fitton and Russ Ward, Racing school driving instructor, made regular circuits of the hill taking passenger for rides. Russ’s standard Ford Fiesta 1.25 proved that you do not need a fast car – only driving skill and know how to demonstrate speed and excitement.

Bernard thoroughly enjoyed himself, evidenced by his permanent broad grin, as he drove continuously up the hill. “I think he will go back to rallying” said his wife Barbara.

Graeme Rudd’s Lotus that broke down yesterday was repaired after one of our motorcycle marshals collected the required drive parts from a Lotus dealer in Bromsgrove. Graeme arrived at Prescott at 11:30 and immediately took to the hill only to find out that one of the rear wheels was lose, losing the drive to the rear wheels, a problem soon sorted out.

During lunch at Prescott we raised almost £3000 for charity with an auction of goods and promises.

As the cars left Prescott the clouds thickened and the rain that had held off during our hill climb adventures arrived and it was a wet trip to The Holliday Inn at Taunton.

The Adventures of Jogle Continued a Pace on Day 3

He had been lovingly dressed in a cocktail dress with a pearl necklace and false eyelashes by his custodians Carolanne & Mary but in an attempt to straighten Jogle out, or at least get him back inside the closet to save further embarrassment Jogle was allocated to a new car.

It was decided he would be looked after by Steve Hannaford whose D Type Jaguar has been described as a phallic symbol on wheels. Steve bought it on the basis that this macho machine would become a babe magnet. He claims their has been no evidence to support this theory so far. Indeed his wife refuses to travel in the car after she was hit in the face by a stone while making her first trip as passenger. Perhaps it was the airing of this sad story which caused the kidnappers to strike again at the Barton Grange in Preston.

Jogle vanished before Steve could even get him back to his room where he had threatened to rip off the dress and jewellery. Steve paid a £10 fine for his carelessness after receiving a ransom demand but Jogles whereabouts remain a mystery. His naked photograph has been sent to Jeremy Seal together with a telephone number. It isn’t clear what the lamb napping gang wanted because their was no reply to his calls. We shall keep our readers informed of any further developments.

The competitors left Barton Grange and headed for the Gauntlet Bird of Prey centre near Knutsford. Unfortunately one competitor took a wrong turn and as if sheep others followed and while trying to find there way back Graeme Rudd, who was accompanied by Chris Campbell, broke down and had to be rescued by Hills Recovery truck. Repairs were completed whilst everyone else enjoyed the bird of prey demonstration courtesy of Brian on Ros Fitton. All left for Stratford upon Avon although Graeme’s ignition problems were resolved it did not mean a smooth run, unfortunately he lost drive on his lotus élan and had to be recovered for a second time. His vehicle was taken to Mitchells at Bishops Cleeve by Car Transplants transporter for overnight storage and repair.

Jogle surprisingly turned up at dinner on Day 4 and Jogles friend Ewenice turned up too. Jogle and Ewenice were placed in the custody of Richard Sykes and Simon Metcalfe.

Karen & Chris Morris Dancing

Chris Enjoying the Morris Dancing a little too much, has he done it Before?

Sarah & Karen enjoying a well earned Pit Stop

Time to take on Fuel & Re-Charge the Battery !

CHEERS !

Day 2 of The Rally

The investigation into the kidnap of Jogle was continuing on day 3 of the rally. One of the prime suspects was marshall Dave Taylor who volunteered to undergo analysis of his handwriting for comparison with the ransom note. His ready agreement to supply an example only served to fuel suspicion that he played another role within the kidnap gang.

The organisers are continuing with their enquiries film taken at Balmoral is being examined and the Queen has agreed to look at CCTV evidence as soon as she can stop reigning for a few minutes (meanwhile as a result of complaints from the RSPCA about neglect Jogle was taken out of their custody) instead he was put in the care of Carolanne Eggenberger and Mary Mclaughlin who are driving a Cadillac.

Unfortunately they immediately dressed Jogle in girls clothing for the journey stop, far from objecting to the cross dressing Jogle has bought a collection of Judy Garland records and expressed an interest in a career as a florist or interior designer.

Mascot Jogle is not the only one to suffer a fashion disaster as the participants dressed in clothes to match the era of their cars from racing overalls to full blown hippies the group caused great hilarity at breakfast and at the lunch stop at NSA Head Office. The weather was again kind to us and the only mechanical incident was repaired prior to the start when Richard Martin (Jaguar XK140) made a dawn start to replace the Manifold flange gasket only to run out of fuel later in the day on the A66 embarrassing especially because Richard and Kerry were dressed in 1960’s clothing.

In the evening guests joined us at the Barton Grange for a Gala Dinner and entertainment including Paul Roberts the magician and the Leyland Morris men who kindly gave their services free of charge as it was a charity event.

Jogle was removed from Carolanne and Mary because it was felt unhealthy to enjoy being a girl and was placed in the custody of “gentleman Mike Hawthorn” aka Steve Hannaford.

STOP PRESS Jogle has disappeared again.

THE END.

Our Very Own Nicola + Eddy (honestly it is !)


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